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Monday, February 16th, 2009
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2:05 am
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Unknown Legend
She used to work in a diner
Never saw a woman look finer
I used to order just to watch her float across the floor
She grew up in a small town
Never put her roots down
Daddy always kept movin, so she did too.
Somewhere on a desert highway
She rides a harley-davidson
Her long blonde hair flyin in the wind
Shes been runnin half her life
The chrome and steel she rides
Collidin with the very air she breathes
The air she breathes.
You know it aint easy
You got to hold on
She was an unknown legend in her time
Now shes dressin two kids
Lookin for a magic kiss
She gets the far-away look in her eyes.
Somewhere on a desert highway
She rides a harley-davidson
Her long blonde hair flyin in the wind
Shes been runnin half her life
The chrome and steel she rides
Collidin with the very air she breathes
The air she breathes.
~Neil Young
i saw this band cover the song above. i was moved.
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2009
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10:30 am
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it's my grandpa hood's 90th birthday party tonight.
all of my grandparents are still alive and getting old.
current music: animal collective
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2009
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11:16 pm - Books of two thousand and eight
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Digging to Australia - Lesley Glaister
Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Closer - Dennis Cooper
Ella Enchanted - Gail Carson Levine
Howl's Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones
Castle in the Air - Diana Wynne Jones
Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian - Kurt Vonnegut
Of Love and Shadows - Isabel Allende
Killing Yourself to Live - Chuck Klosterman
The War of Art - Steve Pressfield
The Diving-Bell and the Butterfly - Jean-Dominique Bauby
The Year of Living Biblically - A.J. Jacobs
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards
re-read:
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling
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| Monday, December 29th, 2008
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10:40 am - let's not try to figure out everything at once
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i've been wondering lately why i haven't been writing. and today i was reading my friends blog and i thought about commenting on it and realized that i feel as though i have no words that would truly convey exactly the amount of love and appreciation i want to express. but then that is probably exactly what would be needed to say it.
i finally finished harry potter. i re-read the first four and then read the last three for the first time. number six is my favorite. i cried and cried at the end. i cried even more in six than in seven. number five is my least favorite. just because i think, as my friend ryan said, it's about 300 pages too long. don't get me wrong, i love a good long book, but she totally could've cut it down a lot. i'm reading the fountainhead right now. i'm enjoying it way more than i expected. though, after reading harry potter, where the print is substantially bigger and the vocabulary not quite as broad, i feel as though i've been reading without really putting a dent in it at all. at least i'll be able to be with these characters longer.
also, i must tell you, i am excited because i finally got my first ipod.
well, ipod nano. it's yellow. i got it with christmas gift certificates.
on that note though, i found it was a struggle to actually decide to get it because i've been trying to not spend and trying to really think about what i actually need and all that. i think these gift cert's came at the right time then, because i would never have bought one for myself out of my own pocket. i would never have been able to justify it. but i know i will use it all the time and get so much enjoyment out of it.
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| Thursday, October 30th, 2008
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12:16 am - Could a greater miricle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? HDT
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my good friend melissa maxwell asked me a few weeks ago if i see myself as the type of person who lives in the moment. i laughed. and then she laughed and said that she knew whatever my reaction was it would be a good one. i laughed because i am one of the most cautious, modest, non-risk-taking people i know. i am afraid of a lot of things. i think too much so i build up ideas in my mind about how i think things are and how i think people are and then to avoid these situations that i've come up with in my head i sit at home and complain that no one calls. not to completely make myself out to be a crazy person or anything because i'm sure there's some relevance to the things i build up inside my brain. i'm sure there's some remote connection to things i fear more than i should to things that have hurt me in the past. but. some things aren't as bad as i remember. or, at least, i can handle the situations better than when i was, say, nine. like, for example, the dentist. i went to the dentist the other day, cried when they put the freezing in, composed myself, and then, for the rest of the procedure i was fine. i mean, i didn't enjoy it or anything, but i'm definitely not nearly as afraid of the dentist anymore. and i've been trying to do this thing in my head when i start analyzing a situation i'm in and getting anxious about it and i've started trying to 'live in the moment'. nothing too crazy. i mean, i haven't kissed any strangers or anything, but, i've listened more, i've forced myself to not hide inside my own head when i start to feel uncomfortable. and, it's hard sometimes, yes, but not impossible.
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| Sunday, October 26th, 2008
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10:22 pm - when new becomes old
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i've been thinking lately about how changes in the world and society become traditions and truths we live by. i went to church with my mum tonight and they had a movie about martin luther. it was really good. well, there was some cheesy narration at times but the power of the story definitely shone through. he was excommunicated from his church and considered a heretic for things we take for granted in our belief systems today. he pretty much single handedly started the reformation. and all of that that started 500 years ago led to the separation of church and state and so many other complete social changes. and things like this get me to thinking about how people are afraid of the internet and how it's changing society and how cars and phones and electricity and television and all sorts of new technology and new ideas change the world but we get used to these things so easily and can't even begin to imagine living without them.
When we consider what, to use the words of a catechism, is the chief end of man, and what are the true necessities and means of life, it appears as if men had deliberately chosen the common mode of living because they preferred it to any other. Yet they honestly think there is no choice left. But alert and healthy natures remember that the sun rose clear. It is never too late to give up our prejudices. No way of thinking or doing, however ancient, can be trusted without proof. What everybody echoes or in silence passes by as true to-day may turn out to be falsehood to-morrow, mere smoke of opinion, which some had trusted for a cloud that would sprinkle fertilizing rain on their fields. What old people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can. Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
-pg. 8 Walden by Henry David Thoreau
another thing that fascinates me about new technology is when those things start to break down, when they're used for cheap and perverse things or to trick/scam unsuspecting people who are still wrapped up in the romance of this new 'thing' that will make their life better and the world a better place. when experts start popping up, setting up businesses or call centers or repair shops for these things that we still don't understand fully. the darker side of progression.
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| Friday, October 17th, 2008
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12:58 am - anywhere i lay my head i'm gonna call my home
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i think all this 'opening-up' with people has been good but also exhausting. i've been trying to remember that it's okay to trust people but it's really hard. it's also frustrating when you're improving in some parts of your life but not in others that are just as important. i always talk so vaguely on here because there's so much going on in my head and i want to get out a general feeling of all of it and then don't really get any of it out. i think, also, i've been reading really articulate bolgs lately and they're making me feel self-conscience about my own streams of consciousness.
NEWSFLASH: STU IS MOVING HOME!!
i'm pretty effing excited.
current music: scarlett johansen
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| Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
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11:37 pm - That's how the light gets in
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so, i decided maybe i need to write in here more since
there is now a link to this journal from a different journal.
my (not so) new friends have been working on a community project for the past year, not as long as they'd intended to be in the still building phases. i have been learning a lot going to the meetings they have every week keeping people updated on the progress. there is a lot of red tape to get through: meetings with city officials, fire inspections, parking laws, etc etc. see, they're going to lease the upstairs of the old fraser valley inn in downtown abbotsford that has been empty since all it's tenants were kicked out in 2005 due to unruly behavior. there are twenty rooms and, i believe, eight-teen bathrooms, one kitchen and a common area. there are questions of security and how they will screen potential candidates for living there.
i think i am most impressed with the persistence and endurance these people have to making this a real thing. and all the hoops they've jumped through already for the city, and all the research done, and all the things that have been put in motion. thus far i haven't had any intention of living in the community because i have a stable thing here with my mum at the moment. but who knows where i will stand when everything goes through.
though, honestly, i'm also scared of living in such close proximity to that many people. because with community you get to know people really well. and i'm not sure i want people to know me that well. or maybe i don't want to know them that well. or at least i think i don't. when really, i just don't like being disappointed. i forget that, although i accept people quite readily, i actually have pretty high expectations of others. and sometimes when they show me their flaws i back off, or i back off when they see mine. getting really close to people scares the shit out of me. but it's still something i crave like nothing else.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
-Leonard Cohen
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2008
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3:44 pm - seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
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so i absolutly love the scarlet johanssen album of tom waits covers.
i think it is beautiful and rough in the best way possible.
this song is my favorite.
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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11:34 pm - and he fell asleep in his brand new winter coat
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I think that other people, they just accept that they're in.
They accept that this other person likes them and they don't have to
keep proving themselves, whereas for me it's entirely temporal. I'm
constantly judging the whole thing moment by moment and it could
always fall apart. For me, it never ends. - Ira Glass
i've given up on being jealous of people. or feeling left out. it's exhausting. but it can also be exhausting trying to appear/trying sincerely to not be jealous. it's goes against so many strong tendincies inside of me. i'm tired and i miss people. i miss them so much that i don't ever want to know anyone again. i don't like missing people. i don't like missing people that i don't want to miss, that i don't feel like i have the right to miss anymore.
current mood:  drained
current music: falling down - scarlett johansen
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
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11:28 am - first day of school
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been working on some projects. my friend camille has been helping me with them. she came over yesterday and brought her laptop with her so we could trade music.there is so much good music out there it's somewhat overwhelming. did i tell you that i'm going to see neil young in october?? i am so completely excited!! i never thought i would get a chance to see him perform because he's from a different generation of music. and death cab for cutie is opening for him. kind of a weird pairing but i'm all for it.
i'm taking another class and it starts today. i'm excited about it. maybe next semester i'll take TWO classes. we'll see.
current music: Save Me - Aimee Mann
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| Friday, August 29th, 2008
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1:26 am - 'our bodies get bigger, but our hearts get torn up...'
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listening to arcade fire, i am reminded of a lot of things.
of summers and concerts and a lot of times that i believe
to be better than the one i am living through.
anyway, i need to get some sleep. been really enjoying the national lately again:
current music: wake up-arcade fire
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| Friday, August 22nd, 2008
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3:21 pm - what suzy said
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she tends to say things that completely offend me initially and then, when i actually think about them, they make sense, or at least make me take a second or third look at myself. she told me that a certain mutual friend of ours told her that on said friend's wedding day i took said friend aside and complained that she wasn't paying enough attention to me. now, that kind of accusation is enough to hurt anyone's feelings, let alone mine, and whether or not it's true (i don't actually remember doing it) it got me to thinking about how very self-involved i can be. i complain that people don't understand me, that they never call me, that they find me tiresome because my feelings get hurt so easily. but i tend to write people off the minute they start rubbing me the wrong way. not in a creepy way, but when they start to show their messier more abrasive sides, when they lose their patience with me a little sooner, when they don't call me back right away, when they're busy being charming with other new/old friends. i get jealous so easily, i get disillusioned so easily, the weather affects me so easily, i take things too personally. i forget that other people get lonely too. and that i am capable of picking up the phone or sending an email. i give up too easily when things aren't reciprocated right away. i forget that people's lives don't always involve me and when i do remember i forget that i'm not necessarily inconveniencing them when i give them a call or drop by their house. even if i am, i need to remember that they'll get over it.
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| Saturday, August 16th, 2008
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9:52 pm - 'it is always easiest to hold a man down when he does not stand for anything'
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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1:59 pm - and i'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense..
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i am in love with a married man. a married, semi-famous man, that is. a married, semi-famous man from winnipeg. ohmygoodness, he is so very delightfully canadian. and one of my all-time favorite song-writers/poets. i had the pleasure of seeing the weaterthans open for feist last night at deer lake park in burnaby. they did not dissapoint. leslie (feist) was charming and creative and wonderful, but my heart lies with john k samson.
current music: one great city! - the weakerthans
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
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1:43 am - I got a bird that whistles I got a bird that sings. But I ain' a-got Corrina Life don't mean a thing
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saw conor oberst perform tonight for the first time in six years; well, i hadn't seen him in six years, he's performed lots in those six years. i forgot how amazingly dynamic he is in person. i seriously could not take my eyes off him. i have never seen someone so unconcerned with how the audience was reacting. i mean, he said thank you and stuff, but when the stupid girls near the front kept yelling how much they loved him and 'take you shirt off!', he didn't even bat an eyelash. he just played and played and played and it was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. it was like we got to witness their little world of amazing music for a few hours. he barely talked and his whole band enjoyed playing his songs just as much as he did. i guess i forgot that there are performers who aren't there to perform. they are there to let out parts of themselves that they can't keep inside anymore.
His second last song was a cover of Corrina, Corrina by Bob Dylan. SO SO AMAZING. i think i may have fell in love with him a little when he sang it. he sang it differently than he sings his songs. slower and not as rough. soo BEAUTIFUL and GOOD. wowowowowowowow. i have seen a lot of shows/concerts and both times i've seen conor i have left completely affected.
current music: Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
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| Monday, July 28th, 2008
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12:23 am - your baby ain't sweet like mine
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| Monday, July 21st, 2008
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8:29 pm - this song has been stuck in my head today
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2008
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12:34 pm - a short story by isabel allende
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| Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
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10:10 pm - 'she couldn't relax, with his hand on the small of her back..'
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lately, (always) i have been feeling, left out. part of my problem is that, i want to be a part of everything, and i have this phobia of inviting myself places, also of crowds of out-going people. i feel at fault for not being able to make people like me, or for not being likable. or, not even that, just, i get so self-involved i forget other people have insecurities too and blame them for my short-comings. and i get jealous easily when i see pictures of my friends having fun without me at events i knew nothing about. i think, a lot of the time, people forget to include me because i forget to make/feel self-conscious about making my presence known. i don't know why, lately, i have been feeling extra vulnerable. maybe new friendships, and the effort involved in them. not that old friendships don't involve effort, just on a different level. maybe old friendships changing, and not knowing exactly into what yet.
current music: i'll believe in anything - wolf parade
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carkass's journal