carissa (carkass) wrote,
carissa
carkass

Could a greater miricle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? HDT

my good friend melissa maxwell asked me a few weeks ago if i see myself as the type of person who lives in the moment. i laughed. and then she laughed and said that she knew whatever my reaction was it would be a good one. i laughed because i am one of the most cautious, modest, non-risk-taking people i know. i am afraid of a lot of things. i think too much so i build up ideas in my mind about how i think things are and how i think people are and then to avoid these situations that i've come up with in my head i sit at home and complain that no one calls. not to completely make myself out to be a crazy person or anything because i'm sure there's some relevance to the things i build up inside my brain. i'm sure there's some remote connection to things i fear more than i should to things that have hurt me in the past. but. some things aren't as bad as i remember. or, at least, i can handle the situations better than when i was, say, nine. like, for example, the dentist. i went to the dentist the other day, cried when they put the freezing in, composed myself, and then, for the rest of the procedure i was fine. i mean, i didn't enjoy it or anything, but i'm definitely not nearly as afraid of the dentist anymore. and i've been trying to do this thing in my head when i start analyzing a situation i'm in and getting anxious about it and i've started trying to 'live in the moment'. nothing too crazy. i mean, i haven't kissed any strangers or anything, but, i've listened more, i've forced myself to not hide inside my own head when i start to feel uncomfortable. and, it's hard sometimes, yes, but not impossible.
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  • 5 comments
slow and steady.

it's not impossible. it's really really not.
it's true.
That's awesome, Carissa. And I'm sure you'll find yourself letting go of fears leaps and bounds faster than you'd think. =)
i love you, c-money.
<3

hey. i sure do miss you.